everything made sense yesterday...

And then I found out I was some serious overdrawn on my checking account. I went from having a lot of money (so i thought) to having none.

I can't pay my phone bill.

I'm not going to be able to pay my electric.

My check for my dad will probably not clear.

And I'm not sure about the rent one either.

And I spent a lot of money yesterday that I thought I had, and now I don't.

I don't think I'm going to be able to afford doing anything for New Year's.

Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT.

Everything is wrong. It is upside-down and inside-out.

I was so proud of myself yesterday. I didn't go see him, though I wanted to, but I knew how that would go. I would beg for sex, and he would turn me down. But I was expected to drop by, and so I thought I'd get a call or an email. But I didn't. And I knew that, too.

I went and saw my girls over at Conor's. And we had weed. Glorious, glorious weed. I can stop drinking so much for a little while. I only ever started drinking as much as I did because I couldn't find any weed, and my liver cried.

I love my girls. I miss my girls.

This whole money thing has completely deflated me.

All wrong. Again.

I thought I had turned a corner, but once again, I'm down in a hole.

This is the 7th level of hell. Two more to go.