Prying open my Third Eye...

What I'm currently listening to. It is the first time I really paid attention to the lyrics. They're awesome.

Wednesday I went out to Happy Hour with Dru, and Junebug met up with us. A few beers, a few laughs, back to Flatplex for a bowl or two. I was extremely proud of myself for managing to make Happy Hour only last until about 10pm. And I remember the whole evening. So two steps forward on that one. Junebug confirmed that I didn't make too much of an ass out of myself at their show, but that it was clear I was uber-wasted. Well, I knew that. I'm getting kind of used to living in the Shame Spiral. I think I may put in a loft bed in it and just make it official that it's where I live.

Last night, Conor came over for the Thursday ritual of watching the OC and smoking and he had wine and I had beer. We joked about how horny we both are. He suggested a threesome with Devon, since Devon's hurting as well.

"But Conor, I can't do that. Lent."

"Well then, I hope you don't mind the sound of two pairs of balls smacking."

Jesus. Christ. Ew.

It only lowered my libido a half-step, though [the suggestion, not the actual event, which did not take place, thank God].

I have a feeling this thing is going be like how it is to quit smoking. The first two weeks are Hell on Earth, and then it gets easier, a fleeting thought.

Of course, when I want a cigarette, my thighs don't vibrate. An urge to smoke a cigarette is very different from these other...urges.

I feel 13 again.

"Why does my body feel this way? How do I fix it?"

Only I'm not 13, I know how to fix it, I just promised I wouldn't. I'm really not sure if I can go the whole 40 days, a very sad realization. I think that I can, but Easter just seems so far away, and my body is not doing a very good job at letting me forget it and focus myself elsewhere. Conor told me that Jude Law came into his restaurant and was just as gorgeous as I imgained he is, and my ovaries released all their eggs at once. DAMN, he's hot.

I'm starting yoga again next week. With Chloe. A GIRL! I need a girl friend. Once again, glancing over this entry, there's a lot of "he" in here.

I had a funny dream, or a funny bit of a dream. Let's see how it translates to the page, shall we?

[in the context of a larger dream]

There's this picture laying around at Flatplex of Katie, Junebug's ex. And it's just a normal picture, and Katie's wearing a blue sweater. And she looks good, but it's just a picture. Except all the boys are freaking out about it. And Conor and Junebug run off into the next room with it, with the implication that they may be gratifying themselves. And when they come back into the room, Junebug has to hide himself in the corner because he has a boner.

[end scene]

I think it's funny that out of the entire dream, that's the only snippet I can remember. I told Conor and Devon last night about it, and Devon just stares at me for literally 20 seconds (Stoner Delay Time--our favorite time zone) very gravely, and then just laughs his ass off for a couple minutes.

Yup. I'm a weirdo. A card-carrying weirdo. Or I would be card-carrying, if I hadn't gotten wasted and lost my wallet.

I'm a mess. For real, yo.

I've asked the gods for an omen of some sort. I don't know what I need an answer to, I just know that I have far too many questions about what happens next. So I'm trying to allow myself to be available to suggestions that present themselves organically.

[twiddles thumbs, waits for anvil to drop from the sky]

Here I am. Let me know.