No head in the oven for Me!

I was sitting at my desk, about to post a very depressed entry.

I was trying to come up with an accurately depressing title when my cell rang.

I start the 23rd. No drug test (funny enough, my dad was concerned about that, though he does not know the real reason why I got fired from the Exchange).

I suppose that's how the universe works. Seriously kids, of all the tough things I've gone through since moving to New York, the firing and following poverty and disenchantment has been the toughest.

I was suicidal in as much as I ever get suicidal. I have .98 in my checking account, and I didn't think I'd get the job. With rent looming ominously and with no way to get out of the cycle of overdrawing until my paycheck came in and then only having about $10 left until the next week.

In my state, I still keep a sense of humor. I chuckled to myself that I couldn't even afford a bottle of aspirin to kill myself with. Not that I really felt I would kill myself, but I was in a state of utter despair about it all.

You get thrown a life raft every once in a while. I find that when I am at my most hopeless, the universe reminds me to stick around a little bit more and wait it out.

Hopelessness is actually a Buddhist quality. In that you cannot really expect for anything to happen, the next moment of your life is not gauranteed, so when it comes, it is just as much of a blessing as when something truly fortuitous happens.

I had given up hope. That is a good thing. I was depressed about it, which is a bad thing.

"When could you start?"

"I could come in tomorrow if you needed me to."

"That won't be necessary, but I appreciate your enthusiasm."

Little did he know, it had little to do with enthusiasm and more to do with desperation. But I'll take a compliment when it comes.

I'm going to be working on a securities case with a very sweet Irish woman, who was one of the lawyers I met with in my interview. We got along quite famously. The other paralegal is a devastatingly gorgeous young fella named Leif. I will be working some ridiculous late nights with this guy. Can't even tell ya how excited about that one I am. A perk of the job they didn't advertise, but should. No hanky panky in the office, though. I'll have to take it outside.

Breathe. Exhale. I will sleep easy tonight.

It is only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation that that which is indestructable in us be found.