Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy

I dreamt
We were dancing in the middle of a great hall
He was holding me so tightly
But I couldn't feel him
I was numb
But not cold
He's holding me so tight his knuckles are white
Or is it my dress?
Either way the harder he grips the less I feel
If that is even possible
But anything is possible in this world we made
We are spinning so quickly I can't tell
Where I end and he begins
Have I even ended?
Though I've never known where I start
As we dance the whirling dervish
I think if I can only bury myself deeply enough
Into him
I'm bound to feel him at some point
But nothing comes
And nothing stays
Maybe it could if we could only stand still
But just this dance...
And I can't quite determine
if I'm at my wedding or my funeral
They both mark the end and the start
Of something endless and without birth
We're spinning so quickly I can't tell if my dress
Is white or black
Can you see white without black?
Are they extensions of the same thing?
As his arms are an extension of my need
And the numbness the companion to my confusion
If we could slow down
I could tell if our friends watching us
Are crying or laughing for me
Instead they melt into a nebulous mixture
Of grief and celebration
I pleadingly look up
And Heaven glares down and tells me
I need to figure this one out on my own.