I am the Sun and the Air...

A very good birthday, indeed.

The temp agency didn't have anything for me because they didn't call. So I didn't call them because I figured Fate was telling me to take the day off.

And you don't fuck with Fate.

I tried to stay in bed all day. I ordered a lot of food. I tried to stay naked all day as well (you have to do the most with alone time when you're as packed in as we are).

I took a bath. I did my nails. I watched a marathon of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction on the Sci-Fi channel.

Jon Stewart was on Oprah. I took this as a good omen for year 23.

I won free tickets to a comedy club (10 of them) and I managed to rassle up 8. So at least I know I have 8 friends in New York. That's comforting. And I had a delegate from every crowd I hang with: representing NTI was Amelia, Conor and Keleen holding up the Kingwood folks, Eric for the Random Boy contingency, Flame-throwing Corey for the Coked-Up Gay Man Brigade, Devon as my Gay Husband, and Yvette from the Degenerate crew.

For a Monday night show, it was pretty fucking funny. There was only one guy who missed the mark. Because if you're going to make offensive jokes (which I am completely in favor for), you'd better make them funny. Especially when dealing with rape or Hitler.

But we all laughed a whole lot and that's how you should always be.

I got calls and text messages from many many people and I felt very loved and protected.

I realize I can't be too bad of a person. Since the firing, I have had so many people jump to my aid. I'm getting help from everywhere. Even my directing teacher Donny from NTI is putting in a good word with some higher ups at this company that deals in the arts and is a pretty sweet deal. And I hadn't even called him since moving to the city, which is kinda bastard-ish, but he's helping me out all the same.

This maybe implies that I'm not totally evil. That's a comfort.

I have a team of people who want to hold me up when all I want to do is fall down and stay there. They won't let me. They love me and they want me up. Maybe it's because they think I couldn't do it myself, but the amount of support I have received in the past two weeks is astounding and I am so unbelievably thankful for all of it.

I feel like I need to do an epic recount of my time with Eric. Conor has fallen in love with him. He thinks Eric's by far the cutest and nicest one out of my little harem of men currently. I like everything about Eric except for the way he kisses me. And I started our little fling for his visit this time, but I don't know if I should continue with it.

Saturday. We're together, and it's nice to feel so wanted. I roll over onto him and retrieve a condom.

"I should tell you something."

Awww, hell. The worst thing to hear from someone when you're trying to fuck them.

"I haven't been with anyone since you."

Oh, hell. That was--shit, let me think. He and I hooked up and then I first started with Sleazy. So that's like a millenia ago. And by millenia, I guess I mean 7 months.

I really shouldn't do this to him. So I don't. Now I don't know if I can, since I know it would mean far more than just a hey-you're-in-town-let's-hook-up to him. I could tell it in his eyes. It's nice to be looked at so adoringly, but I don't look at him the same way. I've already lead him on by his nipple clamps once before. I can't screw over another nice guy. And I sure as shit shouldn't do it to the same guy twice. I already pulled that with Tim, and I'm still dealing with the Shame Spiral fallout on that one.

Where does that leave it? Your guess is as good as mine.

And the rest of my harem? I don't know there, either. It's raining men and I forgot my umbrella.

HA! I'm hi-larious.

I miss feeling really connected to someone. Maybe someday. Right now it seems to be all about diversion. And diversity. I am equal-opportunity. I am Affirmative Action in Action getting Action.

So I guess I should shut my now-23-year-old trap and just ride my own melt.