Creative Differences, You Understand.

So...

New Guy was nice. I figure a date will suss out whether or not there's any chemistry there (he's not really my type, but apparently my type is any guy who will crush my will to live so perhaps it's time to think outside the box), but it was nice to go out and see a band that I haven't seen naked and have a few drinks and be as charming as I could.

Is it weird that I thought the drummer was cute?

[ed note: Yes, it's fucking weird. We've talked about this, you are sooooo predictable. Hey, I'm trying new things...Yeah, trying new things by being out with one guy, getting set up with a bassist and thinking the drummer is cute. But these guys are nice. No, they're not. You don't even know them. More musicians, Carrie? Have you learned NOTHING? I'm learning. I didn't fuck anybody. And you want what for that? A prize? A pony would be nice. I'm not giving you a freaking pony. I'm locking up your vagina and throwing away the key. Hey, you're MY editor, remember? Yes, and I'm taking over from now on. I'm editing out your vagina from any equation.]

I don't like musicians. They are self-involved and snobby and will use what they can get from you and leave you on the side of the road like discarded McDonalds.

Hey, I didn't write that. Not all musicians are horrible.

I am fabulous and deserve to be treated like a pretty princess: with opening of doors, dinner dates, and the possibility of a kiss at the end of the night.

Well, I'll agree to that. But kiss? I haven't had sex in a while. I'm dying.

It's been two weeks, woman.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be writing as me? That's what I would say.

I'm taking over. I told you this. You are not allowed to make any more decisions, especially in regards to sex.

So now what am I supposed to do?

Get your shit together. Go to bellydancing. Go to yoga. Go on dates. Start respecting yourself.

But that's so much work...[whines]

[bitch slap]Wake up, none of that other shit made you happy, you dumb, dumb woman.

Owww...You really are a tough editor.

I'm here to make you better.

By slapping me?

Has anything else worked?

I see your point.

[offers up other cheek]