Reading Rainbow (reading RAINbow)

I bought the book Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood, and already can't put it down. She mentions a poem about how...oh well. Here's the poem. And here's the passage about it. Both are lovely.

I could recite that poem in my sleep, and yet I recognize that I have never been that girl...Nine years after I took my first drink, I am missing so much of the equipment that adults should have, like the ability to sustain eye contact without flinching or letting my gaze roll slantwise to the floor. At this point in time, I should be able to hear my own unwavering voice rise in public without feeling my heart flutter like it's trying to take flight. I should be able to locate a point of conversation with the people I deeply long to know as my friends...I should be able to stop self-censoring and smile when I feel like it. I should recognize happiness when I feel it expand in my gut.

I feel like that a lot. And she has connected it with her drinking.

I feel reading this book is going to hurt. But that's why I bought it.