But Downward-facing Dog still makes me giggle...

Yoga was amazing.

My body felt wonderfully used and it was like an entire body orgasm. You're in so much pain, your body is just shaking and then, wonderful release. Amazing.

Winter here is harsh, and you naturally start to slump your shoulders in effort to somehow warm yourself. We did all these shoulder releases that hurt like a bitch because I've been wound tighter than...what's tightly wound? Dick Cheney's sphincter? I walked out of there and felt about a foot taller.

I, of course, am not. But a girl can dream.

During the meditation practice, I had a hard time clearing my thoughts, so I used guided meditation. I imagined I was back in Portugal, standing on that cliff that I fell in love with, looking out at the expanse of sea and sky and every breath that I took was making the sun brighter and the water bluer. On that cliff was the first time I felt what eternity was, and hope, and cycles. I could have stayed there forever.

And it was the happiest I've been since moving to New York. Seriously. I must have looked like someone who just had amazing sex: hair tousled, cheeks flushed, a slow, easy walk and a lazy smile on my face. And the cold burned my cheeks and my ears, but I still walked very slowly, focusing very intently on my breath. I barely even noticed if it was okay for me to cross the street. I just had a feeling that the cars would part for me, like the Moses of the Upper East Side.

I tried not to let myself think too much. I can think myself into any mood, and this was a good one, and so I wanted to hold onto as much as I could. Unpleasant thoughts would drift in, but I said hello to them and then let them pass on their way. I chose instead to listen to the cars on the road, and see how far I could follow the sound of just one car and see if I could listen to it all the way to its destination.

I thought about what the people I love were doing right at that moment. Abby with her head in a very large and boring law book; Ashlee either watching a movie on her computer or staring at its blank screen, looking for inspiration; Somehow I just imagined Kristen eating falafel or playing with Jake; Julie drinking tequila in Mexico; Amy relishing her victory against Taco Bell; Daniel out in Long Island, serving margaritas in freezing weather, probably wishing he could be in Mexico right now; Junebug and Dru at work; Chris and Spring doing something destructively romantic; Dustin getting high and taking on his 10,000th project of the semester; April yelling at Marley because he peed on the carpet again...

I was happy. Very, very happy. I'm sure it's just another one of these mood swings, and since this was such an intense one, the down-swing promises to be just as much. But I couldn't have cared less in those moments. I can't stress about when the melancholy, guilt, or anxiety will return. Because it will. These things do. But I had to just enjoy that moment of the world seeming the way that it should, if only for a moment. It was the most present I've been.

I still feel good today. And I'm not nearly as sore as I thought I should be.

Here it is: The first really good decision I've made for myself since moving to the city.