Everything Ends; Everyone's Waiting.

I boozed away my brain.

I woke up on Sunday thinking somebody must have taken a hatchet to my skull.

Oh well. Devon's birthday. End of the show. Mom and Gary in town. Ashlee as well. Saw Aron for the first time in a year.

Stimulation overload. No wonder my brain was throbbing inside my skull.

I was telling Ashlee about my This Month's Infinite Sadness Report and how I hated being me and my stupid feelings. She summed up why we love each other so much.

"Carrie, I swear, if you ever stop wearing your heart on your sleeve I'm coming here and kicking your ass myself."

"But...Ashlee...This is bad. Why can't I be like you?"

"I don't have the guts to be you. And you don't have the balls to be me."

And that's why we love each other. We admire the extreme in each other. Obviously, not everything is extreme in our personalities, but Ashlee is Pure Intellect and I am Raw Emotion. And we both wish we could be a little bit more like the other.

My soul mate lives in DC. Her name is Ashlee. She is the best person on the planet. If only her set of balls were real ones and she had a dick to boot and was named something cool like Orlando. I could settle down right now.

Who wants to guess whether Ass-Wipe made it to the show?

Nobody needs to guess. We all know the answer to that one.

I wish I could say I was pissed. I'm more sad that I'm not surprised.

It's been violent upheaval the past few months. Alright, the whole year. But I haven't cried since I got fired from the Exchange. I watched the series finale of Six Feet Under and realized so much came to an end this weekend and I sobbed like I haven't. I sobbed like I needed to but never did. All that simmering on the stove and it took a fictional show to put me to a boil.

But release is necessary. It clears the way for the things to come.

I'm still sleeping for like a year. But Sharon and I are going to go to bellydancing on Wednesday. That'll be good. And then I'm hibernating.

Breathe me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

-Sia