Stealing this from my LiveJournal...

I steal this because it has been what occupied my thoughts for today--


my interview with sharon...
1. Finish this sentence: My greatest feature is...

well, if we're going with physical features, i'm a big fan of my eyes (hence my icon). or quite possibly my clavicle. i'm a big fan of clavicle. mine is nice and pointy.

if we're going with more emotional features, i think my ability to laugh in the face of extreme circumstances is pretty impressive. i'll mope and dwell and be a mess most of the time, and then i'll think of a sarcastic comment to accompany it. keeps me honest, methinks.

2. Do you have recurring nightmares? About what? (You don't need to get too detailed if you don't want to)

i used to have nightmares a lot about russia. i don't know if those count because they were more flashbacks than dreams, but i'd often be back in the moment right before i went under for surgery, not quite sure why they were opening me up and i was strapped down and all i can do is turn my head and look at the clock. it was 9:57pm. often, when i get to that point, i'll wake up and bolt up in bed. or it will continue and i wake up wrapped in the bloody sheet and that same sickening realization that it was all my blood.

OR

i've recently had a dream that just disturbs me where i keep breaking glasses and nobody will help me pick them up. i can't believe i keep doing it. there are two guys [names witheld] and one of them tries to comfort me but i don't want him to and i look helplessly at the other one, who just stays silent. but it creeps me out that even in my dreams i keep breaking shit.

and i think it all takes place at a school dance or something. there's a bouncer who shakes his head at me.



3. Love is...

i think love is the feeling that something or someone is with you even when they're not. it's how i can be as far away from my family as i am and not be as lonely as i feel i should be.

or, to steal a line from that song i mentioned earlier today:

"you are the smell before rain."

i think that may be it. the beautiful anticipation of something familiar.

4. If you could pick anyone, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be and why?

said it before, and i'll say it again. spring. when the show and trial ends, i'm buying her supplies and we're going to it. i just have a feeling she knows.

or rothko. because he never did portraits. i'd be curious to see what color he'd pick for me.


5. If you could do over one day of your life, what day would it be?

i don't really believe in regret, so i wouldn't do over a day that i felt i made a mistake. though maybe i would've told myself to cut off from the drinking...

so i'll pick a good one just to relive.

i was 17 and in portugal. portugal's great because the beaches are mixed with these huge cliffs that overlook the ocean. we drove out to one of these secluded beaches that was surrounded on both sides by towering cliffs. i broke off from everyone and climbed up to the top.

the water was a clear and deep blue. it was the first time i had a sense of what forever might feel like. i was looking as expanse of sea and all these formations and things that could only be achieved and realized at that very point in time. they had been formed by time and would be molded by it as well. and that moment of what seemed like a fixed postcard was, in fact, changing right as i saw it. and would be a different place a thousand years from now and i would have turned to dust by that point and become part of what would make the next cliff, the next coral reef, the next current in the ocean.

and i exhaled.

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those were tough, lady.