Eternal Paranoia of the Spotless Panties...

So, nothing makes me happier than to have Ashlee have a blog as well. Now she can comment on my blog and I won't feel like I'm sending all these messages into the abyss. Godspeed Ashlee, these things turn into crack. Trust me.

My cracked rib hurts more and more everyday. One of these days, if it doesn't get better, I may have to go to a doctor. Lord knows I'm always in the mood for some pain pills.

Friday night was old-school pre-degenerate debauchery. Me dancing like a ho to Britney Spears and leading some poor sap on. But it was good. Much more like I usually am when drunk, not whatever freak I had been turning into at FlatPlex.

Saturday was very quiet. Many naps and much sleep. Still working off that emotional hangover. And the plague. Combined in a neat plague-emotional fuck up coctail.

Sunday had my meeting with NTI-ers about the show. I'm excited. Me and Liz (the stage manager) are going to start work on our application to the Fringe Festival. I have faith that the unique nature of Daniel's show will get us an in. I think it's utter brilliance. And I stayed out in Brooklyn at Daniel's and we talked well into the night. I can tell him anything. I even told him about my fears about the pregnancy thing and he, in turn, offered his support.

"Well, in all seriousness [we have a tendency to never take anything too seriously between us] if you need me to drive you somewhere or loan you some money or..."

"Hand me a coat hanger while I take care of business."

Immediate diffusion of this conversation. He tells me that it's an awful statement to make through all the laughter, and I say it is just like us to make a horrendous joke right at that moment. I know he wouldn't judge me, but it's a weird point for me because of how I always felt about abortion vs. the actuality of my situation and my complete inability to take care of another human being. I shouldn't bring a child into the world. This world sucks anyway.

But this is just paranoia. I'm almost 100% certain I'm not pregnant. An STD is far more likely. I should look into that as well. Or just stay celibate and let the syphillis take over my brain.

I can take my pregnancy test next week. This is the first test I really really REALLY hope I fail.

On a lighter note, I finally saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and it was incredible. I loved it and I know I'm the last person to see it, but there it is, I loved it. It was incredible.

And now, I retire to bed.