I love the little lunchtime epiphanies...

So, recently, well, for a while, I've been heading to Urban Outfitters and reading the little books that they have there. But normally, I'd look at the dear-god-how-will-I-live-without-him-girl-power-he's-a-Cancer-bastard type books. And then yesterday, I was all mopey and maudlin and about to pick up another one when lo and behold, I see this one called Get Happy, Damn it! A Cynic's Guide to Spiritual Happiness. And this seems right up my alley, and dear god, I need to stop licking my wounds.

It's a great book, for a coffeetable book. If I ever have two cents to rub together, I'm just going to buy it. It's hard to describe because it's all about little quips that carry great meaning. I like the comment they made about love that said something to the effect of "don't confuse the bottle with the juice." The packaging may boost your ego, but without the juice, it's never going to really satisfy you. A short bad relationship is better than a long bad one.

It was like being released from prison. And it doesn't mean that I'm all better now, but there is a chance for sunshine in the future and I'm going to believe in that. Positive energy attracts positive things.

I'm also going to start meditating again. That was good for me.

And I went back today and read it again. And I'm going to do it again tomorrow. And I'm going to keep going back there and reading it until I have the whole thing memorized or at least believe it all enough to relax back into my natural state of peaceful goofiness.

And a song lyric from the Garden State soundtrack keeps going over and over in my head. Like my new mantra:

So let go
let go
'cause there's beauty
in
the
Breakdown

There is beauty in the breakdown. All pain leads to growth. And I'm ready to stop wallowing.

I'm serious. It's time. I wish I could have done it sooner for the benefit of my sister, but we come to these realizations in our own time and that can't be forced, however badly we want them to fit into our schedules.

I have the audition for Daniel's show tonight. Send me some positive chi. But I'm going to try to bring my own.