They too, shall pass...

I get a call from Daniel while I'm about to get on the train to go home last night. But I let it pass since it will cut out soon enough. He invited me to come over to his place and drink copious amounts of vodka. Which, to be fair, is exactly what I felt like doing last night.

But on the train ride home, I had to examine my state-of-being for such activities. I'm probably not quite well enough to drink so much, on top of the fact that I have my last day of work here.

It's what my gut told me, though, so I called him and rain-checked.

So I did what any single girl would do in my position. I watched season five of Sex and the City . Chicken soup for the single girl soul. The only slight problem was that season five is where Jack Burger makes his arrival, the character Sleazy and I thought was him. Truth is, Burger's a thousand times better than Sleazy, but they have that whole dark-and-brooding insecure writer thing going on. Burger's is just less intense and for any normal woman, more bearable.

We all feel like Carrie Bradshaw. She's the character on the show that gets treated with the most depth and as women, we relate to that. She fucks up bigtime and yet still remains somewhat hopeful and optimistic about the whole thing. I get to feel even more like her because I share a name with her. And I have curly hair. And she does it all with fabulous shoes. That is definitely one thing she's got on me.

She's been hurt. And she's hurt people. But, unlike most shows, when she hurts people you actually sympathize with her reasoning. Sometimes the strongest women do weak and stupid things and it doesn't make us weak or stupid. To be fairly cliche, it just makes us human.

I read some quote about how you spend the first half of your life looking at the right side of an embroidery and the second half looking at the bottom side. The first side is the pretty outcome, all the good things and the back is the mess. But you gain insight from looking at the back because you see how all that mess of threads works together to form the bigger picture.

I think I'm beginning to see how all the threads work together. I am, however, having trouble seeing the final outcome, what it all makes. Let's just hope it doesn't spell "#1 Mom."

This morning it was pouring. I don't have an umbrella. So instead of being grumpy about it, I remembered that yesterday I was sad that I hadn't played in the rain. Now, I had work to go to, so I couldn't really play, but it was warm enough rain that I took my time on my walk and let the water drench my hands and my face and rubbed it together to where I could still get that pleasant feeling of squishing the rain. I was the only one not hauling ass to stay dry. Fuck it. Why fight it? Of course, now if I get pneumonia, I'll be kicking myself, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. So that's what I done did.

Now I'm a little damp and cold at work, but I'll make myself some tea and try to enjoy that as well.

Baby I know you have to go
You've gone before
We are fighting on two different fronts
Of the same war
But no matter what else
I will do, baby
I will wait
For you.

That was in my head when I woke up. Who knows? Certainly not I.