I Will Bring My Heart; I Will Bring My Face; You Name the Time and Place

Ah, the close of 2005. To quote Pride and Predjudice (The BBC version of which I have watched more times than a cool person would be willing to admit to):

"Go, go,-- I would not wish you back again."

I've actually caught myself muttering that to myself. I'm pretty sure I'm boderline Tourette's. That, or because I'm reading Motherless Brooklyn, where the narrator has Tourette's. Either way, I'm batshit insane.

I had a hilarious dream last night where Sharon and I were trying to bellydance (in truly horrendous hot pink get-ups), but I kept getting shot with a tranquilizer gun by Chris' brother, Aaron (who, though I don't know well, I knew way before Chris because Aaron is Aron's close friend and former bandmate--follow?). The tranq gun would only paralyze my ass. And my hair was very long, like when I was in high school. Hmmm...maybe I should let my hair grow out. Very Bohemian, it was. But kind of a pain in the ass...ok, I'm over it.

I'm done talking about myself. I haven't decided whether I'm going to end PornandChocolate on the New Year, which was my original idea. I don't know. We'll see. So maybe there will be new posts in the new year, maybe not. In the meantime, here are some stories that I find entertaining:

These stories amaze me. How the Hell do you not know you're pregnant? I know sometimes women can still have their period when they're pregnant (as if all the uncomfortable joys of pregnancy aren't lovely enough), but COME ON. Cut the chord and head straight to Jenny Craig. Because I've seen pregnant women. They're HUGE. And if you're packing so much meat, you don't know there's A HUMAN BEING GROWING INSIDE OF YOU, well then, maybe you should have laid off the kebabs. And I like how this article mentioned they went out a-celebrating for Christmas, booze and all. And probably 9 months worth of other celebrations as well. Now they have a bundle of fetal alcohol joy. Dumbasses.

I'm glad I watched it before. Don't get me wrong. I love those South Park boys like they were my own Spawn of Satan. And I'll defend them to the teeth. Yay, free speech! Offend everyone! We are a ridiculous species! But holy crap, I had watched this one with Dru and the Unmentionables and I have to say, Wow. Not that I was offended, but I clearly recognized they crossed some sort of line, even for them. It does annoy me that they can offend everyone, but because some high-up dude is a practicing Catholic, they'd bow down to the pressure of it. In my opinion, if you're a Catholic and offended by this (which I can totally understand and respect--they are crapping on your beliefs)--why be bothered to get it off the air? Don't watch it, and curl up, peaceful in your beds, knowing that there is a special bungalow in Hell for Trey Parker and Matt Stone. But don't deprive the rest of us, who have our own special places in Hell beside them. Because as out there as that episode is, this line is quite possibly the funniest shit I've heard:

"'A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle,' the pope declares in the episode. "Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time.'"

Brilliant. And we'll never get to see it again. Poo on censorship. Light a candle for them.

I love Useless Information. Dear Lord, I do. And who knew that 8 year olds picking their noses and eating it might have had it right this whole time? Turns out, they're wise sages. Just don't shake their hands.

And because it can't be the end of the year with out a list of some sort:

My top favorite songs that I listened to this year [I specify that I listened to them, because I realize I don't listen to anything really current or mainstream and I don't feel like researching whether or not a song came out in 2005]:

In no particular order:

1)A Cautionary Song by The Decemberists

I had tried to get my mom into The Decemberists. I put it on the CD player while we were driving. She took a long, hard listen and said, "This is like drunken sailor music." And that's exactly why I love it. And the way she nailed it is one of the reasons I love my mom.

2)Anxious Arms by The Jealous Sound

I've written about this song enough. It's just awesome. And the lyrics have made up at least 20 entry titles on this thing.

3)I Would Hurt a Fly by Built to Spill

I'm new to Built to Spill, since I'm only a NeoHipster and therefore, not cool enough to jump on these things while they're floating around Williamsburg or something. But this song is wicked cool.

4)Date with the Night by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

By far and away, my favorite song to pump me up for going out. Honestly, I'll put this on when I'm heading up from the subway, and I feel like a Warrior Princess. Then I kill a dude. It's awesome.

5)Volcano by Damien Rice

Damien Rice is the winner for New Favorite Sad Music. When I'm feeling all Bronte-sister-ish, he's the man to look to. And this one in particular speaks to me. And then I cry and eat chocolate. Some jackoff who could have looked into the whole AIDS/Cancer/Alzheimer's thing decided to do a study and found that when people are sad, they like to listen to sad music. Well, duh. We're all snotty and sobby and incoherent and we need something to speak for us. And if you've got head phones on, it's harder to stick your head in the oven. Harder, but not impossible. But the extra effort when you're miserable and lazy just isn't worth it. So hey, man. Whatever makes you hold on.

That's about it for today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a rock star trapped in a librarian spinster's body. Go shake your money-maker.