Not Becoming Suicidal. Just Becoming a Woman

I wrote that somewhere in the context of an email to Spring and she made me promise that it would be the title of my country album.

I dreamt last night I went back to Austin to live. I had given up on New York.

Austin didn't want me. So then I was scrambling to see if I could fit back into my life in New York--if they filled my job yet, if my roomies had replaced me.

i know you've supported me for a long time
somehow i'm not impressed

Odd dream it was. New York Cares.

Blind to the last cursed affair pistols and countless eyes
A trail of white blood betrays the reckless route your craft is running
Feed till the sun turns into wood dousing an ancient torch
Loiter the whole day through and lose yourself in lines dissecting love.

I'm looking forward to this weekend like it's Christmas. Is it Christmas? Was year is it? Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

I just want a little passion
to hold me in the dark
I know I’ve got some magic
buried deep in my heart yeah

My doctor says
you just took it to the limit
and here I stand
with this sword in my hand

I'm relaxing into my new routine. Luckily, I have found love in 8,000 unexpected places and it mends and it heals and I shake my head that I had to go through the Thieves' Forest to get there. My friendships in New York are different from all the ones that came before. They are forged in steel. Our secrets are loaded down with concrete and sent to the bottom of the East River.

night falls like people into love
we generate our own light
to compensate
for the lack of light from above
every time we fight
a cold wind blows our way

I told her over a beer,

"I'm not afraid of dying alone. It's not about my need to settle. I don't want to be with someone just to be with someone. I'm afraid that I will die alone because I had the perfect person and I was too messed up and I ruined it. I'm not just scared of the dramatic Dying Alone, but that the Perfect Love cannot Cure Me."

And the world may be long for you,
but he'll never belong to you.
But on a motorbike,
when all the city lights blind your eyes tonight,
are you feeling better now?

Cool points for all who identify the lyrics. Should be easy enough. Just trying to make this entry interactive.