For me, It's Something I Just Do...

Sitting out on the porch with Gary, he gives me a little look.

"Is that a hickey?"

Awww, fuck. Busted.

I find hickeys to be unacceptable. I'm 23, for God's sake.

"That could be an old one."

"Could be?"

"It's best not to ask too many questions."

Done. And done. Let him wonder if I acquired it in New York, or here.

But we all know it was here.

To put it in Ashlee's terms, it was something to do. Someone, something, whatever.

He's an Argentinean friend of Mom and Gary's, who they play shuffleboard with. I joked with Mom with all the flirting he had been doing with me in the past couple of days that I could "totally tap that" if I wanted. I don't think she knew I meant to. To be fair, I don't think I meant to, either.

Perhaps I just needed to see that I could fuck someone that wasn't in Ghost Runner. And I certainly applied the theory that you just shouldn't care about these things. And certainly not care about the person.

And he was just like I imagine a Latin Lover should be. Sweet nothings and the whole bit. He said something to the effect of how he wished I would move back to Texas. I started laughing--

"What? So we can spend the rest of our lives together? We're in the back seat of your car, for God's sake."

I don't know if he took offense to that. But I didn't care if he did. It's funny.

I also learned that you cannot fuck away your feelings for someone else. Too bad. Not that I was thinking of this person while I was with my Latin Lover, just afterwards, I kinda wished it had been him. My head needs to regain control over that whole thing anyway, I just sought to do that with my loins, which is an idiotic way.

But I am nothing if not a fool.

It was fun. It was something to do. Just accept it and move on, I suppose.

I feel the reason
As it's leaving me
No, not again
It's quite deceiving
As I'm feeding the flesh
Make me Bad.

Yeah, that's Korn. I really do feel I'm back in high school. Nostalgia and Nakedness: A Southern Girl's Journey into the Real World. My memoir.

It's gonna be a doozie.